Welcome To Wonderland

I jumped down the rabbit hole, my soul filled with whimsy...

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Here it is folks…..my ice bucket challenge.  

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A Letter To Robin Williams

Dear Robin Williams, 

  I am devastated you will never actually read this now….I am still reeling from your sudden and inexplicable death.  I am devastated and that doesn’t even seem to come close to the describe the grief that I feel.  I will never be able to thank you for the profound affect you had in my life when I was in high school.  

  The first time I ever watched “Dead Poet’s Society” I remember being stunned at the type of professor you portrayed.  I found your character  to be enthralling and very enlightened to the problems that teenagers had in school.  I was so damn miserable and unhappy in high school.  I was frequently bullied and humiliated to the point that at least twice I contemplated suicide, maybe not very seriously, but I did think about it….repeatedly.  I remember watching that movie and thinking if I could just get out of high school, I might have a teacher like that in college and things wouldn’t be so bad. I might be able to find my own place in the world that would’t be filled with bullies and unhappiness.  

  I remember watching you on comedy shows and in movies and laughing till a cried and finding relief in your ability to make me laugh that hard.  I remember thinking that you were the funniest person I have ever watched in my life.

  One day I heard you talk about your battle with alcohol and drug addiction.  I remember thinking that even though I had not had that same battles, I could survive bullies in high school, if you could survive what you went through.  I just had to keep pushing myself to just graduate.  If I could just graduate, then I could get the hell out of here and make a life for myself that didn’t involve all of these people who were making my life a nightmare.  Your presence in my life had lasting impacts on my ability to deal with the struggles that came my way.  I have always tried to laugh, even when it was probably the most inappropriate time, laughing just gave me a sense of relief. I have you to thank for that.  Sadly I won’t be able to do that now.  

  I just wanted to say that had it not been for you, I may not have survived high school.  You had a huge impact on my life and I can’t begin to say how much I love you for that.  I will never be able to thank you enough.  You will be missed more than I can possible verbalize.  Thank you, thank you, thank you and I am so sorry you were not able to get the help you needed fighting your own personal demons.  Thank you for helping me fight mine.       

Filed under robinwilliams bullies depression comedy riprobinwilliams

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Updated bucket list.

Bucket LIst

1. Go to Vegas
2. Skydive
3. Get married in Key West
4. Meet Eric Clapton
5. Photograph the Goo Goo Dolls for Rolling Stone
6.Hug A Stranger ☀
7. Stand in 2 different states at the same time
8. Sit behind the Predators at a Hockey game.
9. Own a International Scout
10.  Sacrifice something I want so that someone else can have something they want.  
11.  Buy something from Tiffany’s in New York
12.  Go to New York
13.  Go BACK to Paris
14.  Go to Italy
15.  Have an intimate conversation with a total stranger
16.  Go to a movie by myself☀️
17. Go to dinner by myself☀
18.  Stand on the beach in a foreign country
19. Dye my hair a very bright color☀
20. Let go of guilt about things that are beyond my control ☀
21. Even though I can’t sing AT ALL and completely terrified of singing in public to the point of potentially passing out…..I want to stand up and sing a song in front of a crowd of people at a karaoke bar ☀
22. Learn to speak, read and write French and Italian fluently
23. Swim with dolphins
24. See the Grand Canyon
25.  Swim in The Great Barrier Reef in Australia
26. Fly first class somewhere
27. Own my dream home.
28.  Go to an Olympic Swimming event
29.  Eat something I have never eaten before prepared by a REAL chef.
30.  Witness an honest to God miracle☀️
31.  Meet someone inspirational
32. Be a size 8
33. Ride in a hot air balloon
34. Go on a helicopter ride
35. Go to maradi gras
37. See the northern lights
38. Go camping successfully ☀
39. Swim in the pacific ocean w both of my brothers
40. Go to comic con
41. Whale watching
42. See Mount Rushmore
43. Sit on a jury
44. Watch a rocket launch live
45.visit Hawaii 
46. See a volcano
47. Paintball. ☀
48. Have a romantic date under the stars
49. Watch baby sea turtles go into the ocean
50. Zip line ☀️
51. Fill a truck bed w pillows and blankets and go 
       stargazing. 
52. Stomp grapes
53.  Have someone write and sing a song about me
54.  Be the maid of honor at a wedding
55. Attend a masquerade ball
56.  Learn how to tie a tie
57.  Visit Charleston SC
58. Pet a leopard
59. Go to Lebowskifest
60. Ride in a horse and carriage. 
61. Fall in love w someone who will love me and not 
      give up on me. 

Filed under bucket list miracle

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Corine Year 3

My dear Monkey,

     I can not believe you are 3!!!  How have 3 years gone by so quickly?  For me they have just been one major life event after another, for you, I am sure it has been one major life discovery after another.  I have watched you growing up w a mixture of awe and dread.  I say awe because you are so freakin’ smart.  You are a mirror to me and everything I do and you are a constant reminder that every decision I make has a lasting effect on you.  You have all of my tendencies for being sweet, gentle and very sensitive w your emotions which will in part make your life more precious.  You are also a sponge when it comes to things around you.  You soak everything up and everything has meaning to you. I am that way too.  This is in part of why I also so dread.  You, being as sensitive and emotional as me, will also be a burden at times.  You will meet people who won’t understand you, get how amazing you are and will hurt you.  Don’t let this damage you.  Don’t let this harden you heart or make you feel like you are not worth absolutely everything. I hope that someday you find someone who thinks that you are their entire world and that they can’t imagine their life without you, even if you are a pain in the ass. Love can be both wonderful and devastating.  You deserve whatever you want in life.  I see how strong you are and am trying to encourage you to be your very best.    

     I love you more than I can possibly say.  My entire life changed the day you came into it.  I started a blog about my bucket list shortly after  you were born.  I had on there “Witness and honest to God miracle”.  I realized the other day that you, you are my miracle.  You are proof to me that there is good in the world and that everyday can be an amazing journey.  I hope that for your entire life you find things that make you crazy passionate and full of joy and hope.  

I falter w this sometimes and I am told by all your knitting/crocheting aunties that this is normal….The Chicks With Sticks, have been a life raft for me since before you were born.  They too see you and see aspects of me in you.  They love you just as I do and we are so lucky to have them. You are also lucky to have Pop Pop and Grammy and Auntie Erin.  You are so loved and make everyone around you feel happy and wonderful to be in your life.  I wish for you all the love and happiness you could ever want.  I love you my darling little monkey.  

Just to add, things you are obsessed w right now, Curious George, Sophia The First and kitties and puppies.  You might just be wearing me out on George but at least its not Teletubbies.  Those things are just flat out disturbing.  So thank you for liking shows that don’t give me nightmares.  Ha Ha Ha…..I love you so much and am really enjoying watching you grow up.  

Filed under Corine year 3 birthday letter chicks with sticks daughter mom happybirthday

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30. Witness an honest to God miracle

So it was recently brought to my attention that on my bucket list I haven’t marked “Witness an honest to God miracle” as done and I should have.  They said my daughter was my miracle.  I hadn’t thought of it that way but I do now.  She is my miracle.  She is the constant in my life that reminds me that every day is precious and a gift.  I forget that a lot.  I get lost in my own pain, loss and get tunnel vision in my own problems sometimes.  I try really hard to be aware of that but sometimes I am not so successful.  So we are going to mark #30 as done.  She is my miracle sent to me by God to remind me that I am important to someone and that every day I am to live my life for her.  Thank you God for this wonderful gift that you lovingly bestowed upon me.  I will do my best not to forget that again.

  Here is my miracle

 

Filed under Mommy Bucket List Daughter love god

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My updated Bucket List

Bucket LIst

1. Go to Vegas
2. Skydive
3. Get married in Key West
4. Meet Eric Clapton
5. Photograph the Goo Goo Dolls for Rolling Stone
6. Hug A Stranger -  DONE
7. Stand in 2 different states at the same time
8. Sit behind the Predators at a Hockey game.
9. Own a International Scout
10.  Sacrifice something I want so that someone else can have something they want.  
11.  Buy something from Tiffany’s in New York
12.  Go to New York
13.  Go BACK to Paris
14.  Go to Italy
15.  Have an intimate conversation with a total stranger
16.  Go to a movie by myself - DONE
17. Go to dinner by myself - DONE
18.  Stand on the beach in a foreign country
19. Dye my hair a very bright color - DONE
20. Let go of guilt about things that are beyond my control - DONE
21. Even though I can’t sing AT ALL and completely terrified of singing in public to the point of potentially passing out…..I want to stand up and sing a song in front of a crowd of people at a karaoke bar - DONE
22. Learn to speak, read and write French and Italian fluently
23. Swim with dolphins
24. See the Grand Canyon
25.  Swim in The Great Barrier Reef in Australia
26. Fly first class somewhere
27. Own my dream home.
28.  Go to an Olympic Swimming event
29.  Eat something I have never eaten before prepared by a REAL chef.
30.  Witness an honest to God miracle - DONE
31.  Meet someone inspirational
32. Be a size 8
33. Ride in a hot air balloon
34. Go on a helicopter ride
35. Go to maradi gras
37. See the northern lights
38. Go camping successfully - DONE
39. Swim in the pacific ocean w both of my brothers
40. Go to comic con
41. Whale watching
42. See Mount Rushmore
43. Sit on a jury
44. Watch a rocket launch live
45.visit Hawaii 
46. See a volcano
47. Paintball - DONE
48. Have a romantic date under the stars
49. Watch baby sea turtles go into the ocean
50. Zip line - DONE
51. Fill a truck bed w pillows and blankets and go 
       stargazing. 
52. Stomp grapes
53.  Have someone write and sing a song about me
54.  Be the maid of honor at a wedding
55. Attend a masquerade ball
56.  Learn how to tie a tie
57.  Visit Charleston SC
58. Pet a leopard
59. Go to Lebowskifest
60. Ride in a horse and carriage. 
61. Fall in love w someone who will love me and not 
      give up on me. 

Filed under bucket list